Particularly Pensive
I think a lot, I'm sure that I've definitely let that cat out of the bag.
Once, when I was even younger, I made it a point to just be; like, just... y'know? It's terribly easy to concentrate on the moment when you haven't had any mind-bending, heart-fracturing tragedies to burst the bubble of your childhood innocence.
That's an interesting concept; childhood innocence. I thought I lost it a really long time ago, then I discovered some(one)thing that sort of plastered over that massive crevice in my psyche, and I thought I was okay. At least that's what my therapist thinks.
Cards on the table, I've had my reservations about therapy since I had three chins but there's something about experiencing your greatest fear all over again that just kinda... you know... plunGES YOU INTO YOUR GREATEST FEAR.
I'm really cerebral, supes intellectual and just generally a very brain-led mammal, so this thing of achieving self-awareness through cognitive behavioral therapy is something of a learning curve because it's almost entirely based on the idea that you need to know your feelings.
I mean, have you ever taken the time to think about your feelings? It's the most exhausting thing I've done, besides trying to solve the angle for Y. But that's math, totally different ball game.
Seriously, though - I innovate clever ways to express my emotional state by phrasing them in collective, universal proportions. It's not about me being sad, it's about you and I being sad just like everyone who will ever exist betwixt the beginning and end of time... sort of a thing.
My mind is a chief weapon against my heart; an unhealthy defense mechanism, sure, but it's a pretty cool one. As far as self-destructive defense mechanisms go, I've really got mine down to a science.
Awesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesome - now that I have this information, there has to be a clear, concise next step, yeah? A way forward or whatever.
Nope.
It's just to feel, and that's it. I struggle to fathom the idea because it's so simple, and that's what makes it so complex. I'm not even sure that I fully understand it myself.
It's such a laborious task, every day, trying to name my feelings individually instead of blanketing them with one generic word. My therapist doesn't let me go until I get specific with how I feel.
I'm just thankful that I have an expansively diverse vocabulary, so my mind isn't fully removed from the equation.
But that's something self-awareness is trying to bring out of me - not to understand but to just be; like, just... y'know?
I mean, how does a man remain in prison for 27 years and upon release, smile upon his captors as brothers? I'm always astounded by stories like that; of giant spirits hidden the hearts of ordinary people who just believed in something.
I should be having the time of my life right now, but I'm acting like it's my second divorce or some horrible news sort of a thing.
Thinking v feeling - that's how I've been living my life.
Maybe it should thinking & feeling, from now on - to have a life that speaks one voice. Maybe I'll rediscover parts of my true self in the process...
Once, when I was even younger, I made it a point to just be; like, just... y'know? It's terribly easy to concentrate on the moment when you haven't had any mind-bending, heart-fracturing tragedies to burst the bubble of your childhood innocence.
That's an interesting concept; childhood innocence. I thought I lost it a really long time ago, then I discovered some(one)thing that sort of plastered over that massive crevice in my psyche, and I thought I was okay. At least that's what my therapist thinks.
Cards on the table, I've had my reservations about therapy since I had three chins but there's something about experiencing your greatest fear all over again that just kinda... you know... plunGES YOU INTO YOUR GREATEST FEAR.
I'm really cerebral, supes intellectual and just generally a very brain-led mammal, so this thing of achieving self-awareness through cognitive behavioral therapy is something of a learning curve because it's almost entirely based on the idea that you need to know your feelings.
I mean, have you ever taken the time to think about your feelings? It's the most exhausting thing I've done, besides trying to solve the angle for Y. But that's math, totally different ball game.
Seriously, though - I innovate clever ways to express my emotional state by phrasing them in collective, universal proportions. It's not about me being sad, it's about you and I being sad just like everyone who will ever exist betwixt the beginning and end of time... sort of a thing.
My mind is a chief weapon against my heart; an unhealthy defense mechanism, sure, but it's a pretty cool one. As far as self-destructive defense mechanisms go, I've really got mine down to a science.
Awesomeawesomeawesomeawesomeawesome - now that I have this information, there has to be a clear, concise next step, yeah? A way forward or whatever.
Nope.
It's just to feel, and that's it. I struggle to fathom the idea because it's so simple, and that's what makes it so complex. I'm not even sure that I fully understand it myself.
It's such a laborious task, every day, trying to name my feelings individually instead of blanketing them with one generic word. My therapist doesn't let me go until I get specific with how I feel.
I'm just thankful that I have an expansively diverse vocabulary, so my mind isn't fully removed from the equation.
But that's something self-awareness is trying to bring out of me - not to understand but to just be; like, just... y'know?
I mean, how does a man remain in prison for 27 years and upon release, smile upon his captors as brothers? I'm always astounded by stories like that; of giant spirits hidden the hearts of ordinary people who just believed in something.
I should be having the time of my life right now, but I'm acting like it's my second divorce or some horrible news sort of a thing.
Thinking v feeling - that's how I've been living my life.
Maybe it should thinking & feeling, from now on - to have a life that speaks one voice. Maybe I'll rediscover parts of my true self in the process...
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