48 Page A4 Exercise Book

I wrote something yesterday, and it was perhaps the most detached piece of writing I would've put up here. It was almost as if I could fathom the idea but I felt disconnected from it; being divorced from your own voice is a different kind of strange. It's like someone driving your car, but you're in the trunk. The concept I'd like to discuss with you is something from the 10th, when I spoke about  https://upgradedmindpalace.blogspot.com/2020/02/this-is-how-i-did-it.html ... A good friend of mine said to me ''this is the best you've ever written''.  A part of me really agreed with her, too - I gave it both barrels. But if you create something amazing, you're left with this want for more. I try to think of quality in terms  of honesty because it's the best policy. If I'm honest, the stand-out voice of the world surrounding me in the last few days has cried out for healing but not necessarily in those words; people get...

I've been thinking deeply into what my favourite colour is, because I know that it says something about who and how I am on an intrinsic level. Blue was my favourite colour way back when; from the team I was in back at Broadhurst Primary to the characters I related with closely from the shows I watched - blue was true. I was a calm, meek child - always on my best behaviour, always friendly, never really drew much attention to myself but always managed to be a part of things even if only from a distance. But then a splash of black spilled across everything, and it seeped into my heart. Black was my favourite colour. My dad loved black. Batman likes black. Despair likes black. Insecurity, fear, hatred, anger... black, black, black and more black. Someone fell in love with me while I was in the dark, and I think we both left a little more damaged because of it. She was brilliant, though - a refreshing splash of colour in my monochromatic chaos. Her departure was disruptive...

Rejection is good for you. Take it from a guy who was broken up with in the middle of a job hunt - rejection is good for you. I graduated from university in a haze, staggered by the very idea of being this quiet kid who's just acquired a professional academic qualification to practice doing what I enjoy, anywhere I could imagine in the entire world. Through vulnerable prayer and focused diligence, the God of Abraham lifted me up with His righteous right hand - made my family proud, proved whoever doubted me wrong and woke up a part of my spirit that I didn't even know existed. But something had to be broken off of me, something that would've increased the challenge of living in the reality I'm trying to understand now; that something is pride. I mean, what else do you call a privileged, tended-to last born boy child with a genius complex so massive that he quits something the moment he doesn't grasp it? Sounds pretty prideful to me. It only got worse o...

I really want to be intentional about building the consistency in shaping the theatre of my experience into something you can take home - not that my experience is special or anything, I just want bring something honest to the table of human existence. That's what I go for; each addition to this space should be more honest than the last. Today, I want to present something for the ones who've hurt, and those who've been hurt. I know what it's like to have intent as pure as a clear blue sky, and still have your heart broken. I know what it's like to create a new element in the heart of someone you love, and feel the affection toward you shrivel and die. I know what it's like to evolve faster than you can even process the change, and be stopped in your tracks by the past self you left in someone's mind. I know what it's like to see the trust in someone's eyes fracture and break, both in one moment and throughout time. I know what it's like t...