(Re) acquiring personal wholeness.

Things can happen for no reason.

I wrote a little about it, and ruffled a few feathers - that's alright because I push back when ideas become stale. Things can get boring if we agree more than we should. Even in my own mind, I get so frustrated when I don't internalise some kind of new perspective to balance conversations.

For instance, we grow up thinking we exist in a space of cause and effect, action and reaction. Quite rightly so, because we do, right?

But what do you say to something that happens to you (or for you), out of nowhere? What happens when you can't reconcile the circumambience of your highly detailed trauma with your steadfast stability to stand for the best, as best as you can?

I'll tell you what happened to me; I broke.

I've been thinking a lot about it, actually. There's been some kind of barrier I can't seem to break through, and it's gotten my emotions all mixed up. 

But I think I've uncovered the frustration for what it really is, and can finally process this confusion intelligently.

This thing of emotional (self) awareness has me going back to the start every time I (re) experience an emotion. Whenever the memories come back to haunt me, I break all over again.

But the damage decreases significantly each time.

I think I've been all over the place in my mind because, in as much as I'm learning to be alright without getting all the answers I want, I still want them.

I still want to know why we wait for the house to burn down and leave without saying a word, creating a bullet hole through the looking glass of your mind that's meant to hold the density of your flooding thoughts.

That was something I had to heal from, time and again. Pieces of me break off and become shattered. It's always a journey, trusting Him to pick them back up and put them together.

Each time, it's a new lesson on what personal wholeness looks like - having to constantly refresh your perspective on what hurt you in the past and what that hurt means for you in the present to be better in the future.

I don't trust anyone without a dark side, and for most of us, brokenness is part of that dark side. It takes different forms, and I know you're quietly whispering to yourself in your head as your broken pieces come from the back of the room.

It's okay, I'm thinking about mine too.

Would you like to hear the good news?

You have something to heal from - you'll never understand what wholeness is until something breaks you.

Strength is forged in weakness.

Joy is built in despair.

Hope, kindness, forgiveness and those marvellous things we can share with our world can only grow genuinely when we experience their perfect absence.

Now that we've got a little context, let's run through it one last time - is it that we're broken, or do we have something to heal from?

Don't let up, in either case, because you're well on your way to being whole (again).

Thank you for staying long enough for me to thank you.

Coolest regards,
 - Your Friendly Neighbourhood Kenji