Here's yet another crazy idea.
The healing you experience after post-traumatic growth is supposed to extend as far as the place where the hurt initially came from.
Take it from a guy who's always been cornered by the expectation of being the ''bigger person'' after a great big emotional mix up of misunderstandings and poorly articulated feelings - your healing is as much for the person who hurt you as much as it is for you.
It stands to perfect reason why you'd want absolutely nothing to do with the person who hurt you; just heal and carry on with life as normal, right? At best, wish them well and never devote another moment of your thought towards them.
It also stands to reason why someone would rather carry the grudge with them. Even if people say they aren't holding grudges, you can almost see the barbed wires cutting into their hearts... you can hear it in their voice that there's still anger.
Wherever there's anger, you'll see that it's actually pain if you interrogate it long enough. It's essentially described as an explosive response of antipathy towards someone for a perceived wrong doing.
Whether you've genuinely been crossed is topic for another person.
But it doesn't even matter, does it, because all that remains is the feeling. Even as you read this, you aren't remembering me for what I've said, but how I've made you feel.
I've spoken with people who, in their understanding of me at the time, thought they could interpret my feelings for me - how I mean is, I'd express a particular thing and they'd go on about how that's not my real emotional response like I was being dishonest with myself.
It infuriated me, at first, because I struggled to grasp the audacity of someone saying they know the complexity of my internal world, which I take care of consciously and no human on this planet could possibly understand without my explanation.
I was also hurt because it sounded more like ''you're using your feelings wrong'' - a real jab because I've been trying really hard to be more emotionally aware, which hasn't been my strongest suit throughout the years.
See; anger is indicative of pain.
I caught word of a story: a man was visiting a patient in hospital after a horrible car accident. He spent time with this person, took care of him throughout his stay.
They're both total strangers to each other, by the way.
So, one day during a board game, the injured man says to his visitor that he'd rather be alone and insists that he leave in a violent outburst.
They have an exchange, and it's eventually revealed that the injured man killed the visitor's wife and daughter in the car accident.
In the last year, I've begun to understand that not everyone who breaks your heart is a terrible person; they just made a decision that led to the consequence of heartbreak.
There are those who know what they're doing, and those who have absolutely no idea - but they're both making choices with what they know to be true about themselves and you happen to be casualty of that war.
It really isn't fair, so imagine the depth of your healing and freedom for you to help the same person who damaged you understand how they can change what they know to be true about themselves for the better.
But that's just a crazy idea, right?
Grace and peace, bud. :)
Coolest regards,
- Your Friendly Neighbourhood Kenji
Take it from a guy who's always been cornered by the expectation of being the ''bigger person'' after a great big emotional mix up of misunderstandings and poorly articulated feelings - your healing is as much for the person who hurt you as much as it is for you.
It stands to perfect reason why you'd want absolutely nothing to do with the person who hurt you; just heal and carry on with life as normal, right? At best, wish them well and never devote another moment of your thought towards them.
It also stands to reason why someone would rather carry the grudge with them. Even if people say they aren't holding grudges, you can almost see the barbed wires cutting into their hearts... you can hear it in their voice that there's still anger.
Wherever there's anger, you'll see that it's actually pain if you interrogate it long enough. It's essentially described as an explosive response of antipathy towards someone for a perceived wrong doing.
Whether you've genuinely been crossed is topic for another person.
But it doesn't even matter, does it, because all that remains is the feeling. Even as you read this, you aren't remembering me for what I've said, but how I've made you feel.
I've spoken with people who, in their understanding of me at the time, thought they could interpret my feelings for me - how I mean is, I'd express a particular thing and they'd go on about how that's not my real emotional response like I was being dishonest with myself.
It infuriated me, at first, because I struggled to grasp the audacity of someone saying they know the complexity of my internal world, which I take care of consciously and no human on this planet could possibly understand without my explanation.
I was also hurt because it sounded more like ''you're using your feelings wrong'' - a real jab because I've been trying really hard to be more emotionally aware, which hasn't been my strongest suit throughout the years.
See; anger is indicative of pain.
I caught word of a story: a man was visiting a patient in hospital after a horrible car accident. He spent time with this person, took care of him throughout his stay.
They're both total strangers to each other, by the way.
So, one day during a board game, the injured man says to his visitor that he'd rather be alone and insists that he leave in a violent outburst.
They have an exchange, and it's eventually revealed that the injured man killed the visitor's wife and daughter in the car accident.
In the last year, I've begun to understand that not everyone who breaks your heart is a terrible person; they just made a decision that led to the consequence of heartbreak.
There are those who know what they're doing, and those who have absolutely no idea - but they're both making choices with what they know to be true about themselves and you happen to be casualty of that war.
It really isn't fair, so imagine the depth of your healing and freedom for you to help the same person who damaged you understand how they can change what they know to be true about themselves for the better.
But that's just a crazy idea, right?
Grace and peace, bud. :)
Coolest regards,
- Your Friendly Neighbourhood Kenji
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