A new smile, the same face.

Dear future Kago,

I hope that when you read this back, it's in celebration of both the distance travelled and the path taken. It's alright if, even at this point, you still don't have all the answers. We left the timetables and rubrics back with the uniforms and homework dairies, best they stay there, yeah?

Dairies are good for journaling, though - hope you're still doing that. 

Life has this way of punctuating your best moments with grievous and varying degrees of harm, and I hope you've found an even better way of taking those moments to slow down and breathe so you can continue at your pace.

At some point, we mope and gripe like LiFe hAsNt beEn fAiR wHy hAs iT bEeN sO hArD, but what good has that ever done for anyone? 

I'm really a ''I've got it pretty good'' kinda guy now - still got ten fingers to count my blessings and two legs to jump for joy about 'em.

Things have definitely gotten better in the last year and I don't mean just the seen.

I mean the unseen - I remember closing my eyes and seeing blood spray across my mind's wall; I remember the tortured torment of my own screaming, and all this in the silence of my idle moments. I remember sleeping so I could stop crying, and waking up just to start all over again.

But you were never alone, were you? Sure, some people were absent, but were you alone? 

It was in those moments that I really learned to be there for you - it was like the loss of a loved one; those that remain have a chance to be closer than ever before because of this unifying trauma.

I look back on the times when I had ''less'', and how I was trained to become more. 

You know, one thing I do think about is how people are often looking for their partner but rarely want to be their own partner.

When things happened the way they did, I made a promise to you that I wouldn't look for a wife but that I'd become a husband. The failures of my past are my own, and I've learned to accept that I played my part in pushing special people away. 

I should've handled certain situations differently but I'm thankful I see that now.

It's easy to get caught up with the destination, so I hope you've found a deeper appreciation for the journey.

She's on her way, and you know it, but for now let's tidy the place up and live in a clean space so she doesn't find a mess to heave through, yeah?

Shucks, who knows - you may have already met her.

The cold, unfeeling, all-black android you used to be would be shocked to see the good-natured, warm and friendly neighbourhood you turned out to be. I think you've always known this is how you're supposed to be.

I often look into the mirror and see a familiar face; one I've seen transition to immeasurably emotional to decidedly desolate.

Then I carry on with my day, and smile with that same face but something about it feels... different. I don't know but it's good to see you.

Grace and peace, bud. :)

Coolest regards,

- Your Friendly Neighbourhood Kenji